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What is the true meaning of Easter?
According to Google, it’s “one of the most important days in the Christian calendar.”
Lol! Yeah, right.
Google continues, hilariously: “Easter celebrates the Resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day after his death due to crucifixion, symbolising his conquest of death.”
I think we all know this is nonsense. Who wants to think about someone dying and coming back to life when you’ve got two extra days off work?
Not the vast majority of the British public. No thank you very much.
Easter, for them, is about one thing and one thing only — ramming as much chocolate into the mouths of any children they can find until said children turn grey and vomit great big stomachfuls of rich, chocolately sick all over the living room carpet.
The citizens of Great Britain will not be content until the children of the nation have been force-fed at least 5,000 calories of chocolate in a single 24-hour period (this number can be increased if the child in question is especially fat).
What’s that? You don’t ‘feel well’? Well, we don’t care, come here and ram another chocolate egg into your mouth. That’s it, there’s a good boy. Get it all down. No you may not have a glass of water.
